Not myself anymore.

I don't know what's going on with my life anymore but I am not myself anymore. I don't know how to explain it but nothing is what it use to be. I need to talk to someone but I don't know who. I normally do not talk to anyone because I don't want them have to deal with my issues because I'm sure they are dealing with some of their own issues. It's all this big complicated circle that I do not, have any clue, as to how I can go about fixing things. At college I don't want to open up to anyone, because I'll get attached and start creating strong bonds and I don't want that because it's already going to be hard when I leave for Oklahoma, I don't want it to be any more difficult or emotional than what it is already. I personally am not sure if I want to go to OU. I feel as though I have to because my father wants me to go so badly, and so does my brother.. And my dad is already going through a rough time; I don't want to hurt his heart anymore. He's my best friend, and I don't enjoy seeing my friends hurting. I'm thee kind of person that will go out of their way just to make someone else happy, even if it isn't my fault that they aren't happy.

 

On top of all of this, things from my past keep popping up from my past that I really do not want to deal with. They're painful memories that I wanted to leave in my past for a reason.. I don't want them back. As cliche as this sounds, I feel so lost.

This isn't high school anymore.

     This is college, not high school. The fact that people are still belittling others to make them feel superior is a straight shame. You do not need to be going around picking out the flaws of every human being, say how much better you are of them, and you should not be judging people before you meet them. This, college, is where we begin our lives for the real world. 

     In the real world the way someones nose is structured is not going to matter. In the real world it will not matter if a woman has some peach fuzz on her face or upper lip. In the real world it is not going to matter if you partied and was with the in-crowd at college. 

     What is going to matter is a persons' personality, grades, profession skills, workmanship, social interaction skills, etc. So, these people that are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down need to be careful. Because one day, that girl you made fun of for the most random of reasons, she may end up being the one to hire you, and let's just say she may have forgave you but she never forgot.

scale of 1-10 : 2.5?

Life Alteration.

July 21, 2007 - The day that changed my life. 

      The people that know what this date means to me understand, and those that don't know shall never need to know. 

     What happened on this day I sometimes speak of, but the effect it had to me I rarely speak of. It was life changing and I always wonder what my life would be life if the actions that happened on that day never took place. Would I be who I am today? How would I be different, for surely I would have never learned the lessons that I did, if it were not for that day. My morals would be dramatically different, I feel. I would have never been as successful. Then again maybe I would be even more successful. 

     Many questions come to mind when I revisit the date of July 21, 2007, but there is one question that will forever be unanswered; Why?